Thank you, 2019

2019 was the year I became a mom. 2019 was the year my life changed forever.

At the beginning of the 2010’s I was in my last year of college, single, living in a very sketchy (now comically unaffordable and bougey) neighborhood with Grover the obese cat. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do with my life now that I was precariously close to being a grown up.

That January, I went to dinner with a friend from middle school. A few years later, we got married.

The 2010’s were filled with a lot of ups and downs, which they usually are in your twenties. I began working in advertising and had seven different jobs. We moved five times. We adopted Quincy the clearance hound (he was literally on clearance at the pound; he was $24.50). Grover the obese cat survived multiple accidents, surgeries and diabetes (he’s still kicking at 12 years old and an acceptable 17 pounds). We took 46 trips to six countries and 14 states.

We went to way, way too many funerals and spent too much time in hospitals.

We made friends and lost friends.

We turned 30. We decided we wanted to have a baby.  Now we really were grown up.

2018 brought our five year anniversary and we kicked off our baby mission. We were lucky; we got pregnant right away. We were unlucky; we lost that pregnancy at six weeks. But a few months later, we were pregnant with Sutton.

Pregnancy was not easy on me. I had hyperemesis gravidarum and although it was made famous by Kate Middleton, it is not at all glamorous to throw up every day, multiple times a day, for months. I was anxious about losing this pregnancy or something going wrong and I was so sick that I found myself more overwhelmed and discouraged than excited. I went back on my anti-depressants at 20 weeks pregnant after an intense internal battle and many lengthy conversations with my therapist and OB/GYN about risks vs. benefits. I also went on two medications for HG. The second half of my pregnancy was better.

And then it was 2019. The year we were going to have a baby. We went on a babymoon, had a shower, painted the nursery, built IKEA furniture and started buying way too many tiny baby outfits. We took classes, wrote out the birth plan (haha), and debated names.

My due date came. And went. I was induced on Easter night, April 21. They said it would be awhile. It was not; Sutton was born just a few hours after being induced, with just one dose of cytotec and no pitocin. My parents barely made it to the hospital. My OB barely made it to the hospital; she didn’t even fully scrub in before I started pushing.

And at 4:53 a.m. on Monday, April 22, I became a mom. Nick became a Dad. We became parents.

The rest of the year went by in a flash. It’s true when everyone tells you that it all goes by so fast. We spent the remainder of spring in the newborn haze. Long nights, little sleep, around the clock breastfeeding. Recovery, discovery.

By summer, we were starting to come out from the fog. Sutton was bigger, stronger and more aware. We spent many hours looking at leaves in the backyard. We struggled with weight gain (Sutton’s, not mine). We worried a lot. Long nights, but a little more sleep.

In the fall, we hit our stride. Suddenly we had a baby rolling over, babbling, eating solids! Exploring, engaging. Nights we actually slept through (once we got used to Sutton sleeping through the night and didn’t wake up 20 times to make sure she was still alive). Sutton’s first flight, meeting the ocean. Falling leaves. Snow.

Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas.

And then a new year. A new decade. Our baby is nearly nine months old; she will be a year before we can blink. She is on the move. Now the days are longer than the nights. But I know the years are short.

So, thank you 2019. Thank you for making me a mom. You changed every single thing about my life, took a lot of sleep away, and made me happier than I’ve ever been. We’re heading into 2020 with full hearts, dark circles, a few extra pounds, and hope that it just keeps getting better.